


Finding The Rainbow

by loveandwar007



Series: Monarchs of Mewni [8]
Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 00:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveandwar007/pseuds/loveandwar007
Summary: Star has one last gift to give her daughter on her fourteenth birthday: A letter from her late grandmother, which opens a floodgate of memories for the still grieving benevolent queen.





	Finding The Rainbow

It had been an interesting day, that was for sure. Pandora flopped onto her belly on the cloudlike canopy bed and blew exhaustedly through her lips, kicking her shoes off to relieve her throbbing feet. The princess of Mewni’s fourteenth birthday was supposed to be nothing short of a joyous occasion. But thanks to her spade cheek emblems and a prophecy made by an Oracle soon after her birth, all the smiles in her direction tonight were strained and forced. Well except those of her friends and family, but she already knew they loved her.

This was her first introduction to the people of Mewni as their future queen, and Pandora had done everything right to make a good impression on the court. Not barrelling in on a warnicorn like a certain young princess had at the last Wand Ceremony, nearly setting the palace ablaze only minutes later. No, Pandora was not her mother, that was for sure. She had a generally cheery disposition, but she was also very sensitive about how others perceived her and tried to plan out how to best show the crowd of strangers her strength of character. That came from her father, no doubt about that.

Despite the skittishness of the elder council members, the princess had still managed to have a fun time with Lily and their friends -- even after her eight-year-old brother and sister snuck downstairs after their bedtime and crashed the party. Pandora’s good mood only returned due to her father sternly grounding the twins for a week. She had a feeling he took her predicament a little closer to heart than anyone else, not being a native Mewman himself and always having to worry about his image in the public eye.

Shifting over onto her back, Pandora took up the wand she had thrown onto the mattress. Most Mewnian princesses felt a rush of excitement when handling the ancient heirloom, but all she could feel when seeing the emerald and gold wand were all those eyes on her silently saying _“don’t screw it up.”_

There was a soft knock on her door, and she tried not to sigh too loudly in exasperation. “Who is it?”

“The fun police. You’re under arrest for going to bed before midnight on a Friday.”

Pandora did manage a smile when she heard her mother’s voice, sitting up as Queen Star entered her bed chambers. Dressed to retire in her flowing light blue silk robe over her nightgown, her long golden hair cascading loosely down her back, she held what looked like a parchment envelope in her hand as she went to sit on the bed. Her baby blue eyes that matched her own were still lively, and Pandora knew why -- her mother could party all night if she wanted to.

“Another present?” she asked, eyeing the envelope.

“Sort of.” Star held it close to her chest, leading Pandora to believe that this must be something awfully special. “But first off, are you okay?”

Pandora shrugged, averting her eyes back down to the wand she twirled between her fingers. “I dunno...I just thought people would’ve been a little bit happier for me.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Star said, giving her a solemn nod as she reached for her hand. “But don’t worry so much about it. You just keep doing you, alright?”

Pandora nodded back. “It is a pretty cool Wand.”

“I _love_ it,” Star gushed, holding it up to get a closer look. “That ruby really pops against the gold. And it spins!” She let out a giggle as she flicked the jewel between the gold arches at the crest. “I’ll miss my wand, but at least it’s in good hands now.”

“I hope so,” Pandora grumbled.

“I _know_ so.” Star leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “I know you’re wiped out, but I do wanna give you just one more thing.”

“A card with cash in it?” Pandora brightened hopefully.

“You got some already from Nana and Lito, plus a pile of gold from Grandpa!”

“That I can’t touch ‘til I’m eighteen,” her daughter rolled her eyes.

“Trust me, Pandi, this is way better.” Star paused for a moment, a bit of the joyful light leaving her eyes. “It’s from...your Grandma.”

Pandora blinked, immediately regretting her complaining. “O-oh.” Her mother held out the envelope and she took it gingerly in her hands. In elegant slanted cursive with Mewni blue ink were the words _“Pandora Butterfly, for her 14th birthday”._

“After she died, we found letters along with her Will,” Star explained quietly. “Grandpa guessed she must’ve written them when she found out she wasn’t going to get better. There was one for him, me, Papa and you. Everyone she loved the most.”

“How could she love me so much?” Pandora asked. “I was, like, a year old when she died. She barely knew me.”

“I had to pry you out of her arms after you were born,” Star deadpanned. “I never saw Mom go ga-ga over an infant like that before. She _adored_ you.”

“Sorry. I guess I just...I wish I knew her.”

“I wish you had, too,” the queen sighed out. “I never knew my grandma either, you know.”

“Yeah.” Pandora simply stared at the letter, as if afraid to open it. “These queens pass away awfully young, don’t they?” She gave her mother a fleeting worried glance.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon,” Star assured her. “Not as long as your father’s got my back.”

Pandora used her thumb to tuck it into the fold of the envelope, ready to rip to open. Then she stopped. “I never really asked you before, but what was she like? Moon the Undaunted?” She bit her lip when her mother’s smile grew smaller. “I’m sorry…again. Papa told me over and over that talking about her makes you sad--”

“Wha--no honey, I’m okay,” Star insisted, holding her hands in hers, the envelope sitting in Pandora’s lap. “Gosh, it’s been thirteen years since she died, I’m not _that_ big of a wreck. I can talk about her. Whaddya wanna know?”

“Who was she?”

“A super cool warrior queen. Seriously, everything I know, I know from her. After Toffee of Septarsis was destroyed, we got really close. She wanted me to be the best queen I could be, and I was finally willing to learn.” She cocked her head to the side, thinking for a moment. “She was the strongest person I know. You know she was your age when she became queen?”

“Yeah, I read the tapestry the first time you brought me in there,” Pandora nodded. “That must’ve been scary.”

“I sure wouldn’t have been able to rule Mewni at fourteen.” Star snorted, “I couldn’t even perform basic spells. It was kinda embarrassing.” Scooching closer to her daughter on the mattress, Star leaned back against the headboard and opened her arms, inviting Pandora to lean against her, which she accepted wholeheartedly. “‘Cause of that, Mom really wasn’t allowed to be herself for years. She had to harden herself so quickly when she was still a kid. All the fun and awkwardness of growing up, that was all cut short for her. And then there was--”

She stopped short, and Pandora looked up curiously. But Star just smiled, “Well, she probably talks about that in the letter.”

“So you were as close with her as we are?” As if for emphasis, the princess snuggled closer against Star’s chest, feeling a sigh rise and fall.

“No,” Star whispered almost sadly. “For a long time -- the first fourteen years of my life, actually -- we were pretty distant. Mom had been conditioned to be so completely consumed by her duties that it was like she didn’t have time for me. Unless it was to yell at me for being too reckless, or behaving too wildly for a future Queen of Mewni. But I did my share of brushing her off too, not having enough faith in her…but that was before I knew about everything she went through.”

Her voice tightened, and she held her daughter closer, resting her chin on top of her head. “She always said that wasn’t an excuse for being so stern with me, but still…I’d give _anything_ to get those years back.”

Pandora sat up in alarm, afraid that her mother was going to cry. When strong cheerful Queen Star the Benevolent cried, all of Mewni wept along with her. And the few times her daughter had seen her in tears had sent a chill through her, making her believe nothing would ever be happy again. Yet somehow, King Marco always knew how to ease her, knew exactly what to whisper as he held her and wiped away her tears. Pandora didn’t know what her parents would do without each other, nor what the kingdom would do without either of them. It was as if the glue holding them together also held Mewni together.

“So what’s your best memory of Grandma?” Pandora asked, smiling widely in the hopes that her mother would return it. Thankfully, she did.

“Oh wow, there’s so many,” Star chuckled, bringing her knees up to her chest. “Playing Flags at the family reunions -- she kicked my butt ‘til I was twenty-one. The first time she ate nachos -- actually, that whole first time she visited Earth was one laugh riot after another.”

She stared off into the distance for a few moments, her eyes fixated on Pandora’s open window, closed against the chilling winter wind, but a perfect view of the clear night with sparkling stars and Mewni’s four bright moons. “But my favorite times were when we just…talked. These big long heart-to-hearts, like we were trying to make up for lost time. We talked a lot about your Papa, especially when I was trying to sort out my feelings for him. When I realized I was in love with him, it hurt ‘cause he was with Jackie at the time. But Mom said _‘whatever happens, it will be for the best.’_ ”

“She was right,” Pandora said quietly. “I mean, I wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t, would I?”

“Nope, and that would be the worst thing of all. Papa and I didn’t know what we were missing before you came to us.” Star’s eyes grew a bit wider, as if a thought had occurred to her. “Oh--oh I got it. I totally, absolutely know what my favorite memory of Mom is.”

“What?” her daughter asked, sitting cross-legged as she always did when she prepared herself for one of her mother’s stories.

Star smiled through her misty eyes. “It was on my wedding day…”

 

* * *

 

_“You look stunning, darling.”_

_“Thanks, Mom.” Star took the deepest breath she could manage, the tight knots in her stomach making it difficult to relax. “Oh geez, I think I’m gonna throw up again--”_

_“Shh, sit down.” Moon gently guided her to the vanity and pushed her into the chair, holding her daughter by the shoulders from behind as Star hunched over, clutching her middle. “It’s going to be alright. Honestly, you didn’t even make this big a fuss before your coronation.”_

_“That was easy -- it was just going up there and reciting a bunch of words, sit on the throne, put the crown on -- bam, we’re done!”_

_“And this isn’t going up there and reciting a bunch of words?” Moon asked, raising her eyebrow._

_“Mom, this is Marco! And he’s way more important to me than the crown!” She paused once she realized she had said aloud what she’d always believed in her heart to the woman who had always put Mewni before everything else. “Sorry, but he is.”_

_“I know he is,” Moon said, not sounding at all surprised by her declaration. Taking up the delicate veil in her gloved hands, she gently straightened out the thin shimmering fabric over Star’s already glittering hair, the tiara atop her head catching in the afternoon sunlight from the window. She was positively radiant in pure white, glimmering lace on her arms and chest attached to a loose corset that flowed down into layers upon layers of ballgown tulle. “He will be beside himself when he sees you enter the throne room.”_

_“‘Cause I look so pretty?” Star asked glumly._

_“Because you are about to become his wife,” Moon clarified. “Your beautiful gown, hair and makeup are just for show -- no matter what Princess Pony Head tells you.”_

_Star snorted, hearing her bestie’s words again in her mind telling her ‘the dress is everything!’ Of course, she couldn’t have been more wrong. Marco didn’t care about the dress. She could walk out there in sweatpants and he’d still tell her she was beautiful. No, that wasn’t what was making her sick to her stomach._

_“Does he really love me?”_

_“Star, what kind of a question is that?” Moon almost snapped. “Of course he loves you. Do you think he would have done everything he has to prepare himself to sit beside you as Mewni’s King if he didn’t love you?”_

_“I dunno Mom, I just…” And then the words came spilling out, the ones she’d always carried in the darkest corners of her mind, yet never spoken aloud until now. “I’ve never felt like I was good enough for him.”_

_Moon’s hands stopped their idle pampering, leaving the room silent for a few moments. “How can you think that, dearest? You are good enough for anything and anyone, and you deserve every happiness that comes with that.”_

_“So does Marco. And sometimes I feel like I don’t fit the bill.”_

_“Star, look at me.” She spun her daughter’s chair around so she was facing her, noting the flushed heart emblems on her pale cheeks. “Marco had plenty of chances to walk away from all of this, and he never did. Never once did he even consider it, at least not to my knowledge. And he sure didn’t go through with it for myself or your father. That leaves you. And you alone are reason enough for him to change the course of his life forever. You are worth it.”_

_“No, Marco’s just too nice,” Star muttered stubbornly. Moon would have raised her voice in exasperation had it not been for the tears beading in Star’s eyes, quivering on her lashes before they dropped one by one, leaving splotches on the lap of her majestic gown. Her mother then bent down to her knees, trying to meet Star’s gaze, but her head remained hanging low._

_“I’ve never felt good enough for your father. Not once, from the first day of our courtship to today. I will never know what he sees in me, and at this point, I don’t care. He just loves me, Star, and I love him. And that is good enough to get me through each and every day.” She reached up and tucked one of the spiraled golden curls framing Star’s face behind her ear. The young queen merely glanced up forlornly, holding her mother’s hand tightly as her eyes continued to leak. “You do not have to understand why Marco loves you, Star. Perhaps he can scarcely put it into words himself. But I am beyond certain that you can rest easy knowing that he cherishes you with all his heart.”_

_Moon cleared her throat, but her voice still shook when next she spoke. “Not everyone is lucky enough to meet someone as dedicated as he is. When--when you bring a child into this world, there is no guarantee that they will be as lucky as you in love. Star, I wanted nothing more than to shelter you from the heartbreak you endured, but I couldn’t. All I could do was hope that, amidst the battles and training and duties, you would find happiness in the same way I found it with your father. And I am thrilled that you have. I’m…I’m so happy.”_

_And to Star’s shock, one of the tears in her mother’s sapphire eyes fell to join the wet splotch growing on the fancy tulle skirt. “But at the same time…I’m just not ready to let my baby go.”_

_“Oh Mom…” Star didn’t care that her face was now a hopeless mess and would have to be hastily fixed before the ceremony started. She still flung her arms around Moon’s neck and hung on tight, feeling her mother weep gently into her shoulder as she sniffled along with her. “Marco’s not taking me away from you. He’s just being added onto the family. And hey, we could use a good cook.”_

_Moon let out a soft chuckle amidst her sobs, holding her only child so close it was as if she would disappear once she let her go. “I would never dream of accusing Marco of taking you from me. Rather, it is you who is leaving me.”_

_“No, Mom,” Star shook her head, fresh rivulets coursing over her hearts._

_“Yes Star, and you need to. You need to break free and live your own life, create your own reign that not only Mewni can be proud of, but you can as well. I won’t always be here to guide you, you know.”_

_Her daughter pulled back slowly, wiping the back of her hand noisily under her nose. “But…you’ll stick around for a while, right?”_

_“Of course. This kingdom can’t be rid of me that easily.”_

_Star smiled -- there was the mother with the iron fist she knew and loved. “Well, guess I better fix myself up. Don’t wanna look like this for the pictures.”_

_“Perhaps you’ll let me help you?” Moon asked. “For old time’s sake?”_

_“Yeah, sure you can.” Star spun her chair back around, taking up her handkerchief to blot at her damp face. Moon pulled up a chair beside her and took up the powder puff and eye pencils, finding contentment in her daughter’s previously anxious eyes as she examined her makeup. “Hey...I'll always be here, Mom.”_

_“And I will always be here as well, Star.”_

 

* * *

 

“In the end, she wasn’t only a brave fierce warrior or a strict dignified queen. She was a wife and a mother, just like any other normal woman. And when I was able to see that side of her, I knew what a kind caring person she was underneath it all.”

“It’s like when you always say your family comes first, even before being queen,” Pandora added as her mother finished recounting. Then her eyes became downcast, “But she wouldn’t always be here…”

“Sure she is, baby,” Star mused. “She’s still here. She’s in that nice mild day that springs up during a rough winter, and in the cool breeze on a hot day at the beach. I can feel her presence every time I enter the Tapestry Room, when I sit on the throne, and I ask her for strength every time this job becomes too much for me.” Reaching forward, she tapped a fingernail on the envelope still sitting in Pandora’s lap. “And she’s right there, too.”

The princess nodded, wiggling her finger into the fold again to rip it open. A single piece of parchment fell out, and Pandora unfolded it to reveal the same exquisite cursive that adorned the envelope. Her eyes darted up to her mother, “You want me to read it out loud?”

Star shrugged. “Only if you want to. It’s your letter.”

It wasn’t a hard decision to make, for Pandora could see how much every bit of her grandmother left behind meant to her mother. Clearing her throat in a professional manner, she sat up straight and began:

_My dearest granddaughter Pandora,_

_First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your fourteenth birthday, a momentous occasion in the life of a Mewnian princess. I do not believe I need to tell you what a huge responsibility wielding the Royal Wand is, as I’m sure your mother has stressed this enough. And if not, I trust your father has._

“Har har, real funny, Mom,” Star rolled her eyes, before waving at Pandora to go on.

_The very first time I saw your parents together was after an encounter with a dangerous enemy. Very young and very scared, they stood before my throne as I lectured your mother about drastic measures she had taken that wound up destroying Castle Avarius. But amidst my scolding, I saw a change in her. A change I recognized every time they were side by side. They were content, drawing strength from each other, bringing out each other’s best even at their worst. There was a completeness, even back then. I knew that should fate bring them together in marriage, it would be nothing short of a perfect match. I can never speak highly enough of them, and as such, know you have grown into a fine young lady under their love and care._

_It breaks my heart that I shall never see you, hold you or speak to you the day you read this. But there is something very important you must understand, and I can only hope you do not think less of me because of it. You bear the marks of Eclipsa Queen of Darkness upon your cheeks, a queen with a rather negative stigma in our kingdom. And while you may know of the prophecy made upon your birth, what you may not know is that I am completely to blame._

Pandora blinked. “W-wait, what?”

Star had sucked in a breath sharply. “Keep going.”

_Many years ago, when I lost my mother to Toffee of Septarsis, I took drastic measures to end the war that took her from me. I made a very risky deal with Eclipsa. That deal infected me, so to speak, and was doomed to infect my descendants as well. That is why your mother is so advanced in her magical abilities, and that is why you have come to bear Eclipsa’s spades. I am so very sorry for the pain and hardships that may have come from this, and I hope you can someday forgive the grandmother you never knew._

_Because I love you very much, Pandora. I love your smile, the sparkle in your blue eyes just like your mother’s, and the beautiful deep chestnut hair and dimples from your father. But your laughter, your sweet little babbles and your grip when you reach for my finger…that is all unmistakably you. And in seeing your strength and your joy, I know you are capable of rising above any preconceived notions of who you will become._

Moon the Undaunted, the ice queen Pandora had read so much about, grew weak over her loved ones. Made hasty irrational decisions in her desperation to either keep them close or avenge them. She was Mewman. Despite the pedestal, despite the reverence reserved for the long line of magical warrior queens, she was at her core an ordinary flawed Mewman.

And it was her confession that made Pandora respect her above everything else. With a silent nod to herself, as if making peace with the deceased queen, she went on:

_Look to your mother for guidance, my darling. She is one of the greatest queens this kingdom has ever seen, and the bravest woman I have ever known. For comfort, seek out your father. His heart is larger than our universe’s countless dimensions combined, and his courage and loyalty runs deeper than the deepest sea. And there is no doubt in my mind that your grandfather will provide the fun and laughter when the occasion calls for it._

_But in those times when you have no one but yourself, remember this: You have a rainbow inside of you, a spectrum of colors and light that is unique to only to you. It may take years, but once you find that rainbow, there will be nothing you cannot accomplish. And you will follow in our footsteps on your terms, and yours alone._

_Happy Birthday, my sweet one, and future Majesty, Queen of Mewni._

_All my love,_

_Grandma_

So enraptured was she by Moon’s words that Pandora didn’t even hear that Star was weeping until she raised her head from the parchment. Folding the letter closed, she crawled closer to her mother on the bed, where she had her face buried in her hands, her shoulders quaking.

“Mama?” Pandora whispered, wrapping an arm around her gingerly. “Don’t cry…I shouldn’t have read it to you.”

“It--it’s like she was sitting right there,” Star gulped out, feeling her daughter rub her back consolingly. “I could actually hear her voice…oh _Mom.”_ She trembled anew with fresh sobs as she clutched Pandora’s hand. “Thank you for reading that, Pandi, really. I just miss her so much -- it’s so unfair that she’s not with us right now. And some days, it hits me harder than others.”

“Do you want me to get Papa?”

“Nah, don’t bug him with this, I’ll be okay. I’ve got you here with me.” Gathering her closer, Star pressed a kiss to each of the spades on her daughter’s face, and then her forehead. “She wrote me a letter once, around the time I first went to Earth, and she told me the same thing…about finding the rainbow. And she’s right, sweetie. I found my rainbow when I proved that I wasn’t someone to be underestimated. You’re gonna find yours, too.” Star let out a soft laugh as she realized she had begun to rock Pandora in her arms, “Yeah I know, you’re too old for this--”

“I am, but I’ll let you have this one just for tonight,” Pandora gave in.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are great, but comments are better :)


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